The failure to seek help; Authentic Connection lost

Traveling from Helsinki Finland to Ibiza Spain, I find myself resting comfortably in the warmth of a city train bound for the airport. Outside, it’s 2ºC. Inside, it’s toasty warm.

These lessons never cease, the opportunities to see how we might disconnect ourselves from what we desire most; which of course, is some form of Authentic Connection. Five minutes ago was no different. Another AHA! moment that brought a smile to my heart.

I made my way from the Airbnb apartment I was renting while in town. I watched my Google map guide me to the tram and then to the train. As I sat safely on the train I thought to myself, “Wow, that was rather effortless.” This observation arose from the playful concern about the adventure of finding my way to the airport. I have been known to have a geographical handicap when it comes to navigating unfamiliar terrain.

The playing field was set, the deadline was there, the perceived obstacles mostly being time related. If I missed this flight, I wouldn’t arrive in Ibiza on time for an event where people were excited to authentically connect for an evening of deep discovering and insights. So many imagined things to lose, what fun to allow myself to play in this way!

Effortless, as I sit here and I ask myself, “Why was it so easy?” Given the slight worry about all that could go wrong, it seemed like it should have been a little difficult. The answer was obvious. I constantly asked for help any moment doubt came in.

There were people everywhere. Those who were more familiar with the location than I were standing by everywhere, apparently just waiting to offer assistance to me. Even though it seems obvious, I remember many times in the past where asking for help was simply not an option. Not because the option wasn’t there, but because I refused the option. I remember even fooling myself in those times by creating mental reasons about why I didn’t need to ask for help. I would struggle my way through as a means of validating my own imaginary sense of self-importance.

Which of course is quite silly. The real reason for my hesitancy in asking for help is that I was afraid of exposing myself. I was afraid of showing that I didn’t know something as this threatened the idea I clung so tightly to about who I wanted to see myself as. I wanted to look like I knew what I was doing! I also hoped other people would see me this way too.  Which of course is twice as stupid, because that was me creating ideas for others to see me a certain way, when in reality that was just more ideas in my own mind.

This concern for my own imagined sense of importance, made finding my way even more difficult.  I wasn’t available to connect with the present moment options and obvious solutions, because I was lost in my own mind hiding from the truth that I didn’t really know.  Avoiding this, I avoided the real opportunity to authentically connect with myself and others.

As I walked out of the apartment and to the tram stop I noticed immediately that I didn’t know if I was in the right spot to actually connect with the correct tram. The obvious and most simple solution was to just ask someone. I know this might sound juvenile, however I remember a time when I wouldn’t ask; and that amazes me. Compassionately so, because I remember the fear, the sadness, the frustration, the inner-world elements that made the simplicity of the outer world unimaginably and unnecessarily difficult.

I looked at this fellow human and in the simplest and most sincere way, I said, “Excuse me brother, will this tram take me to the train station so I can get to the airport?” He said, “Yes, absolutely.”  I responded with a follow up question, “And I can just pay with cash, correct?” He said, “Yeah, but you’ll want to go to the driver up at the front.” Pointing me to a better position that allowed for a more effortless experience. Without his help, you can imagine the unnecessary confusion, tension and doubt I might be with in each passing moment. With his help, I was able to enjoy the present moment that much more.

It’s so obvious, that the only reason I wouldn’t ask for help, or be open to connect authentically, was because I felt insecure in what I am. Hear this, insecure in what I am, not insecure in what I knowYou see, I know I don’t know. So in a way, my knowing about what I don’t know, is secure in the absence of security of my knowing. Maybe read that again…

The confusion for the human being, is they identify their knowing with the identity of who they are.  They say, “My worth and value is determined by what I know.”  So in an effort to maintain their identity as one who is secure in themselves, they must not show that they don’t know.  If they do, it jeopardizes their sense of Self.

After getting to the train station, I actually boarded a train that looked like the one I was suppose to board, only to find out two minutes before it left that it was the wrong train.  How did I find out? I listened to my intuition and I asked a beautiful woman next to me if this train would take me to the airport. She said, “Oh no sweety, you want to be on that one right there” pointing to a train on the other side of the track.

Could you see that if I was afraid to speak to a beautiful woman, I probably would have missed my flight entirely, which would have resulted in not being able to show up for a room full of paying customers who sincerely wanted to share space with me? If I didn’t allow for authentic connection, I would only withhold love from myself and then consequently withhold love from the world.

To not be open and available to connect authentically is rather arrogant don’t you think? It says,”I will jeopardize the whole, so I can protect my imaginary sense of self importance.” All the while, avoiding what you want more than your self importance; authentic connection.

Do you see what happens here? We avoid authentic connection because we feel it threatens who we are, who we pretend to be, when deep down we know we aren’t that. However, because we don’t know what is real about what we are and what we are not, we get really confused and look to stabilize that confusion in the most ridiculous and damaging ways.

Is it working? No. It’s not. Stop deceiving yourself.

This experience during my trip, continued with effortlessly connecting with others while asking for help. Even though my encounters were brief, there was still a profound magic of looking into someone’s eyes and with the deepest sincerity, asking for their assistance.  It was, and is, the epitome of authentic connection. Being vulnerable in this way is my greatest strength. It sets the stage to truly connect with others, since beyond the pretending, we all experience the very real sensation of vulnerability at times.

We crave it, because it’s sincere, it’s true; it’s authentic.

To really CONNECT authentically, you must connect with your…authenticity. Seems simple, yes? Yet, it also seems like a minefield, of mind nonsense. Terrors of rejection, nightmares of past failures, and the sincerest of hopes that one day you will truly be able to overcome these fears.

Well, and I don’t know if you can hear me, but you can. Really. You can, and you will; if you are willing to look sincerely with a radical self-honesty about the difficulty you’re facing.

In this willingness, this rawness of authenticity, you will open up to receive the appropriate guidance. Just like your experience with reading this expression of InLight Connect, the only reason your world is expanding right now, is because of a degree of openness to read this far and look at yourself with a deeper self-honesty.

How far are you really willing to go? We are here, and we are ready; so, let’s dive into the opportunity to authentically connect to what it is you want most in this life.

You are #supportedAF

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